Tuesday, July 22, 2008


I had a friend who always said " Your words are more powerful than your intentions ". I never truly understood what he meant until yesterday. All this happened somewhere last week. A friend and I said something to this person. When he further asked us where we got to know this, we mentioned the name of a friend(he just told about a rumour which was circulating around). This thing got blown up out of proportion and it escalated to a level where the friend is in trouble. The person we told to took it very seriously and complained to another person who has the position to make decision. My friend now has to leave because of us.

When I heard of it, I was really sad and rather depressed. We did not even mean it and we both do not want our friend to leave. The worst part was the fact that he did not even scold us. I really wish he had. Last night, when three of us were chatting about this issue, he called and told me not to worry. He said they will handle this problem. He actually told us to concentrate on our studies and not to worry about him.

I felt so guilty, I still do. He behaved so graciously that made everything worse. Loyalty has always been one of my best traits, but somehow it feel different now. I am overwhelmed with whirlwind of very depressing thoughts. I never thought something like this would ever happen.
Despite everything, deep down I know that I caused this and I do not know how to make it better. I just wish I knew.

Everyone constantly say that atleast I have learned my lesson but sadly life teaches us lessons the hard way but it never lets us go back and correct it. All this would never change the fact that I have betrayed his trust and might even lose a friend and teacher. He probably would never trust me again, I know I would not if I was in his shoes. Somehow I know that I will carry this guilt for a really long time.


Lee said...

Hi Jamuuna, Regret to hear of the uncomfortable situation, but not to worry...things will pass. You are not at fault.
Things happen, sometimes unintentionally.

I will give you an example...many years ago, wayyyy back before you arrived by 'Air Stork', ha ha...I was the boss of fairly large corporation...
and when the organisation is big, there's always bound to be all kinds of talks, good or bad.

One day I called in my admin officer...to prove to everyone how rumours begin and how it becomes enlarged and how fast it got back to him or me.

I was not married yet...but just to make things hot and spicy, he and me concocted a fictitious story about the big boss! Me!
That I was fooling around with a married woman. And to add some chillies mention she of another nationality. Ha ha.
With my go ahead, he whispered to a lady employee in his dept. and not to mention it to anyone.

Thus only he, me and this lady knows, only he and I know it is false.
Would you believe it? Within a week...and those days no computers or emails or else faster...

Would you believe it...the hot news reached our branch offices in Sarawak, from KK to Sabah...all our branch offices, to Singapore, to Thailand, even to Europe and back again to our office...in one week!!

And? My admin officer got the news from another manager....from another city...."herad our boss fooling around..".....
and here is how the news came back to us. It came out, from just my fooling around with a married woman...it was now, "the boss having affair with a married woman, about 50, older than me, she pregnant, already has two kids...wants a divorce, etc etc".

He and me had a good laugh over it...then called the lady who he had told the 'secret'....she apologised to us and knew she was caught.

My admin officer then wrote out about "boss affair"..that it was completely fictitous, that we wanted to show how rumours spread...the two page memo was sent to every branch office to be read by everyone, but the lady who spread it, we never mentioned her name. She already embarassed enough.

From that day on, there was never anymore talks or rumours about anyone, nobody dared!...as everybody never knew whether started by me to trap someone, ha ha.
I won't mention what else was said about me and "that married woman", ha ha. Lee.
Can you beat that?

Jamuuna said...

Oh My GOD!!!

Are you kidding me??? Your office has a very efficient grapevine communication system... lol.

I am still in shock..haha.. I is still hard though knowing i screwed up. I just have to make sure things do not get worse.

Uncle Lee...thanks a lot. I really appreciate it. Makes me feel better.

Lee said...

Hi Jamuuna, take it from me...I rose thru the ranks, see my posting, titled, "Jack of all, master of none", d/d 6/18/08.......

we all make mistakes as we are human...BUT! We learn from mistakes...and make sure it does not happen again, ha ha.

I made several during my career...one...I lost almost a MILLION DOLLARS for my company. That was when I made a wrong decision...but my boss knew it was an error of judgement....also I immediately saw him and apologised as well handed him my resignation (I was a Manager then...infact te error was my admin people making wrong calculations) but I took the full responsibility..

He did not accept my resignation, but patted my shoulder and told me...which I have never forgotten..."Lee...I know it was not you who made the mistake, but you dare take the responsibility and willing to sacrifice your career....no, I want you...as not many dare do what you doing, accept the responsibility".

Jamuuana, so what I'm meaning here is...if ever you make an error of judgement, apologised quickly. and accept the responsibility...this way you get it off your chest sleep better. Ha ha.

I told that Boss, "it will never happen again". It never did...I worked extra hard from then on and 6 months later I recovered the money thru profits plus another million. He promoted me.

Remember, we all make mistakes...but must strong enough to admit it, no matter the consequences.

My staff too have made mistakes...but because they dared to admit it, "Mr Lee, I made a mistake...it won't happen again," I laughed about it...

The worst thing anyone can do is point fingers and deny...conscience as well the truth will always come back to haunt us.

I made mistakes, but rose to achieve my ambitions of reaching for the stars...Lee.
ps, if you got nothing better to do, ha ha...come to my archives, read my story...of a beautiful matured lady's love for aman half her age....me.

Next to my wife, this was THE MOST beautiful unexpected romance I ever experienced. And it was the longest blog posting I ever did....19 episodes, took 3 weeks to conclude at 2 every every three days.
The story had to be told in full to do justice to the lady. Read if you have time, you'll learn more about me too, ha ha. Lee.

Lee said...

OOOPS, I forgot to give you the title....see! I made a mistake, ha ha.
Title is, "A faded letter from the past", D/d 1/4/08. Lee.

Jamuuna said...

uncle Lee,

It's beautiful. I think you brought her happiness and hope. Thank you for sharing this.

"What the heart gives away is never gone...it is kept in the heart of others..."