Sleepy Head

I know this might sound weird and probably even shocking. I am not capable of waking up on time by myself. For the past 21 years, my parents have had to cajole me into waking up and now they are sick and tired of this. They feel that I should be able to wake up by myself without their help, which I agree to whole-heartedly. But, boy, easier said than done! I seriously wish I was one of those who wakes up at 5 am and goes for a workout and utilize the morning hours well. But, sadly, my average time is 10.30 am. Trust me, alarms have failed miserably and I wish hand phones do not have the snooze button!! So, now I am going to discipline myself and ensure that I have an early start!! I need this desperately and thus, waking up early will be my 2o11's first resolution!

ta-da

Well, my presence in my own blog is a bit like 'now I am here and now I am not'. Somehow, saying I was so busy with life and was unable to blog sounds like a really pathetic excuse. Truth is, I was just not itching to write. But lately, it's been bugging me. I want to write, there seems to be so many stories crowding my head.

Actually, two days ago I was unable to sleep. Amidst my serious attempt of falling asleep, I was thinking about kids who are not privileged enough to sleep in their own beds. Well, unknown to many of us, there are kids out there roaming our streets. No shelter from rain or any other danger. The issue is that nothing is being done to keep these kids safe because most of them do not have any identity. Thus, they do not fall under any constituency. majority of them are refugees. These kids are stranded when their parents (illegal immigrants) are caught and deported to their respective countries. Very little is being done to address this issue. Of course there are organisations who do as much as they can like Nur Salam but they cannot save all the children. Sadly, many of them waste away in the web of drug abuse, child prostitution and trafficking; such a vicious cycle.

We are all so cheery with the feeling of Christmas but lets not forget that the real joy of Christmas is in giving to the needy. So, think about it...what will your share be?

Pain

I have always been the kind of girl who say it as it is. I do not really give it a thought as to how whatever I say would mean to the other person. I am not mean, but I am quick to point out when people cross their line. I voluntarily choose to be direct as opposed to being a hypocrite.

This has made everyone believe that I am very open about my feeling. That is far from the truth. I am one of those who carry my loved ones secrets, weaknesses and pain they inflict inside. I can never find words to express my pain or disappointments. I may pick fight on petty things but when it comes to those serious issue, I coil up in fear. I do not want to lose those I hold close to my heart. It is bad enough that I don't trust easily.

As years went by, I became good at putting on a "I don't care" look. I am good at pretending that I'm okay. It keeps me sane. Again now, those fears are back. They are hurting me, especially those closest to me. How can I ever tell you...to let me go? I want to sleep a good night's sleep without worrying. I want to believe in life's magic; those special moments.

Wit has a major sex appeal

Last Wednesday, I was in Mid Valley with one of my best friends, Sree. For the first time, we caught two movies back to back. I think I am never going to go to the cinema for one movie ... ever. Greed has got to be my sin. We were so unsure of what to watch, there was so many options. Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, Imaginarium, Paranormal Activities ....3 idiots (i'll stop right here). Finally after brainstorming for a while, we decided on Avatar and Sherlock Holmes. Thank God for that!!!!

Sherlock Holmes was reeking with wit. I loved both Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law. I am in a major love mode with Robert Downey Jr. He looked so carelessly handsome (I am having palpitation thinking about him) and was so witty. I could live watching that show. What's is so appealing about men like this...and why can we not have real men who are fabulously witty and intelligent. Now, getting back to the movie, I think Guy Ritchie did a wonderful job with Sherlock Holmes. It could probably get into my Top 5 movies of all time. For those who have not watched it, it is worth every penny. The movie probably has a "satisfaction guaranteed" seal to it.

As for Avatar, a must watch movie as well. The graphics were crazy. The movie had very strong social sentiments. There was this particular part where the humans were destroying the aborigines homes and were waging a war. It was heart breaking. I thought of all the real wars of today. That moment totally hit a chord with me...war is wrong. Those affected with the war now... we owe them. Many are carrying the burden of crime on humanity. Go watch the movie, you will have a better appreciation to everything that's happening around you.

Planner

One of my new year resolution for the past few years has been to get organised. I really wanted the power that comes from having a schedule. Being able to plan each day would absolutely allow me to get things done. It is said that if you write the things down, well you obviously would not forget and that would get you going (something about being more committed to your plan...). Ignoring the part about religiously following it, there was always another problem that I encountered. Buying a planner. I know that it sounds absolutely ridiculous but I have not managed to find any planner that suits whatever I had in mind.

Most planner would have monthly schedule chart, then dated areas to jot down tasks/appointments and some blank pages for notes. Alternatively, I have also purchased a single line planner with no guidance whatsoever. I somehow alway end up being somehow dissatisfied with my whichever planner that I buy. I would probably use it for a while then....the planner does a vanishing act.

This might prompt many to remind me that..."the rest of the world uses this type of planner"!!!

However, this time around...I decided to create my own planner. It really was an exciting experience. I could absolutely incorporate all that is me and have the free hand to do all I want. I now have a section that deals with my daily plans, my finance and my weight progress. Before,I never really could fit in everything I want in an off-the-shelf planner. Moreover, I also managed to put in my favorite quotations and all.

I am really....really happy with my effort. It really paid off cause I am now excited in leading a life that has a direction. It's a good start...I'd say!!!

below is a page from my planner:

Happier in 2010

"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." ~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

1. Be your own BFF (best friend forever). Enjoy your own company. Embrace everything about you! Without a doubt, it's the most important step towards being a happy person.

2. Smile, giggle, snicker, or chuckle! Smiling releases serotonin in the brain, which instantaneously gives your mood a lift.

3. Dream big in every area of life. Set your life in motion and manifest your heart's desire.

4. Shut the doors and the windows tight! And then put on your favorite song and sing out loud. Let it rip!

5. Cook a healthy, delicious meal. Serve it up pretty and savor the flavor, one bite at a time.

6. Expect a miracle. Believe that something wonderful will happen for you today. The universe is waiting to shower happy blessings on you.

7. Meditate, pray and chant. Research shows that people who are spiritual tend to be happier and healthier than those who are not.

8. Pull up your best pair of warm socks. Wiggle your toes and enjoy a cozy kind of bliss.

9. Sleep baby sleep. Seven or eight hours each night should increase your energy and decrease your moodiness.

10. Count your blessings daily. Gratitude, the emotion of thankfulness, is one of the key ingredients for living a happy life. Make gratitude a habit and happiness will be yours.

11. Wake up early! Start the day off on a happy foot, with a happy thought. The morning hours are full of spiritual energy and prana (life force).

12. Let the sun shine in. 20 minutes of sunlight per day improves mood and wards of Seasonal Affection Disorder (SAD)..

14. Say "Good Job!" Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back. Recognize your accomplishments and positive qualities.

15. Happiness is contagious! Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values, your goals and dreams

My Lack of Life

College starts tomorrow. I am least enthusiastic about it...especially the reality of facing Corporate Reporting. The thought of it makes my toes curl and chills my blood. I am so not looking forward to this paper. But, I should by right throw away this negativity and look at the bright side of it (........reeeeallly cannot think of anything). Well, no matter what I still have to get through the paper and my tutor's absolutely dry humor (unable to determine which is more dreadful).

I am also rather disappointed in my lack of initiative to make proper plan and watch avatar, sherlock holmes, kurbaan and 3 idiots. I seriously need to get a life (i am the nerd minus the glasses). I so promise my self that I am going to watch all these movies by next Wednesday even if it kills me!!! Well, I am off to make preparation for tomorrow

New Start

I am going to give another shot at maintaining my blog. I have so many things to write about yet can never find the discipline to sit and type it out. This time around, i intend to make a serious effort to write more regularly.

Well, happy new year!!!! I am now reaching 21...it seems like I just finished high school. It was really special to celebrate the new year with all of them during the eve. We all seemed older, living in many corners of the world yet are still connected over memories crafted in high school. Thanks guys for such amazing night!!!!

Humbling Experience

There was a time, when men were kind
And their voices were soft
And their words were inviting
There was a time, when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting.... (Les Miserables - I Dreamed A Dream)

There are times in our lives where the ego in each and every one of us blinds us from seeing the beauty and the gift in another person. In the pursuit of achieving the pinnacle of glory, the tend to brush off or sometimes break another person; with or without realising that they could possibly have the talent to achieve greatness. Then, if you are lucky...you might be able to come across someone like Susan Boyle (the fame from Britain's Got Talent) either in person or through the pc and have a humbling experience. When I saw her walking out on that stage in front of the likes of Simon and Piers, I kind of thought to myself...why is she trying to make a fool out of herself. She proved every cynic wrong...We saw Susan Boyle because she was courageous enough to ignore all the "she is going to fail vibes" from the audiences.

What about all the others who never got to shine simply because someone else thought that they had nothing in them? When I think about the time when i told my sister her poem sucked just because I was to egoistical to validate her...it makes me guilty that she may never try to write again. I know that she seeked my approval yet I brushed away her attempt. This is one of many instances when my ego gets the better of me...maybe it's pure cynicism.

I think it is truly humbling for us as a being to be able to stand with someone and help them achieve. It could possibly be the missing link to having fulfillment and happiness. I take this as an experience and a well learned lesson. Till this day, I still watch the Susan Boyle video in order keep my ego in it's place...because you never know when you could make someone shine.

Marius
I am lost

Cosette
   I am found!

Marius
   A heart full of light

Cosette
   A night bright as day   (Les Miserables)

Cold, Hard Reality

I took this quiz in Facebook about my accounting ability and boy, the result was mind-boggling!! It said YOU CAN'T BE AN ACCOUNTANT : you dont even know the different between debit and credit!!! This is a joke especially after atmost a year and a half of killing myself with ACCA (well i did not study that hard..but just to emphasise the matter here!!). What am to do now? Pack up and go hiking?

Another Shot...

Well, I know that I said I would update my blog regularly a really long time ago but guess what....I became really lazy. Now, I am not going to make a promise but I am going to try harder. Let me recap my life for the past few months. I passed my F4 to F6. Now current killing myself with F7 to F9. God....I really need your help to brave this term and come out alive. ACCA is proving to be slightly challenging. Besides that, I also joined the STAR-ESUM 2009 Public Speaking Competition this year. Made it to the finals AGAIN but did not manage to win. Well, as usual Victor and Ms Umah were fabulous and I met a lot of amazing participants. It was nice that Sebastian and Didi won. All in all, it was a rather exciting experience. Anyway, I intend to post more often and be a regular.

2009

Year in, year out we set many resolutions for ourselves. Some are rather ordinary, the other are pretty ambicious. I would know as this has been something I never miss on the first day when a new year begans. Yet, many of those resolutions remain unachieved like seriously losing weight or changing to be a better individual. When I set a goal for the year, I would work for it enthusiastically in the beginning. Sadly, the entusiasm just wilts away. For this, I blame myself entirely.

However, this year I did not make it a point to sit and write down any resolutions whatsoever. I pretty much welcomed 2009 doing nothing. No doubt there are certain things that I should be doing this year but I kind of realised that I want 2009 to be a year where I can mould my life to be mine with all my imperfection instead of living perfectly to everyone's idea of a good life. So bring it on 2009.

As I reflect on year 2008, I feel blessed. All the good and bad experiences had made me grow an inch more. Overall, I am happy.

My Excuse...

Exams were merely an excuse for not blogging. I have practically been online yet somehow my mind just turns off to the idea of blogging. I have been wanting to share my opnion on the US election, our very own politics, christmas, Gaza issue and a million others. Yet, time just drifted away and I pushed it away. Well that will not be an issue anymore because I AM BACK!!

This is so Nonsensical...

At a time when all our politicians...'aka comedians' are busy providing the Malaysian citizens with the silly jokes of the century, along comes another greater joke. The Melaka Government wants to give Shah Rukh Khan (SRK) Datukship. No offence to SRK as I am a ardent fan of the Bollywood star since like forover. Believe it or not, I have not missed even a single movie since I became a DIE - HARD fan. But seriously what did SRK do to Melaka? I never really thought him looking GORGEOUS... Soo Apppealing in silverscreen and for being a heartthrob of many Malaysians could earn him Datukship. Even if he is a foreign star who did not do much. If the reason is because SRK promoted Melaka through his movies, then go on. But, the Yang Dipertua should also grant me Datukship as I have also told my friends and relatives from overseas about Melaka. Many took my word and visited the state. So, when will I get the invitation? This could actually be the one opportunity for me to meet SRK.....

Datuk Jamuuna...not bad (although makes me sound ancient)

Selamat Hari Raya

After a month of fasting (not me), finally Hari Raya has arrived. So, Selamat Hari Raya to all muslims and to all Malaysians. Now, I am going to celebrate this Aidilfitri with friends and neighbours. My mind has already drifted to all the mouth- watering dishes. Ciao folks...I have a craving to fulfill.

Thank You Guys

My Birthday Cake!!


I know that this is a little too late but I would like to thanks everyone for all the presents and birthday wishes. I loved them all. You guys are the BOMB!!!

My Own Pride

I have been intending to update my blog about the past few weeks. I had a lot of things to write about. Dad's birthday, certain events and my college life. Now, I do not even want to think about anything. I screwed up big time!!

My lecturer gave us a three hour exam paper to try at home. It was on Sunday after a six hours class and the deadline was the next day. I reached home so late and was practically dead tired. So I went to bed. The next day, I started doing the paper when my friend called. We decided to meet up in college. Let's just say we discussed the exam paper.

When my lecturer got to know about it, he cancelled the whole test series for the whole class because of four of us. Throughout the whole class none of us could focus on the lesson. We were just too guilty. He was right when he said we were dishonest and full of ego. We did not want to hand-in a paper which showed our weaknesses. Personally, I did not want to disappoint with a very badly done paper. The whole class suffered because of us. I guess he hit the right notes when he said, 'Will you be able to live with yourself if you fail or if others fail because of you?'

The saddest part was probably that he was an amazing teacher. He supported us all this while. Yesterday, he said we are no more his students. We have just lost a dedicated teacher, an amazing mentor and a gem of a man.

Results!!!

I finally got my CAT (Advanced Level) results last Monday. Although my marks were in the 80's or upper 70's, I still feel very dissatified with my overall performance for the last four papers. My utmost disappointment was for my Taxation which I hope to score around 90+. The result ended up being merely 84. I felt like the time I put in did not pay off. But thank God, I managed to maintain my average mark in the 80's.

Now I can continue to ACCA Part 2 alongside most of my friends. I was really happy that all of us made it without failing any papers. Sadly, Bobo got stuck in Paper 5.

Somehow, I am still not satisfied at all. I should have scored better for all my papers. My friends just hate it when I complain about my results. They tell me to be grateful for what I got. Sadly, I am a little ambitious...I guess. Not really planning change attitude though...

I just hope that this will spur me to do better in my future papers as ACCA may not be that easy.

Do I have the courage?

One of Oprah's episodes prompted me to write about forgiveness. It was about people who confronted the killers of their loved ones in order to get some sort of closure, they have lost their father, mother and family members. All of them shared a common thought that they had to forgive in order to move on. I personally envy their strength to be able to face their darkest fear and bring their life back to perspective. In my eyes, they are courageous.

All this made me think about my life. How forgiving am I?

There were many who have said hurtful things about me and my family. Some have gone a step further to act in very hurtful manner. Have I forgiven them? I might have but I have not forgotten their evil deeds. Will I hurt them back if I am given an option? I probably will and I am not even going to try pretending to be a saint. I sometimes recall these bad memories and end up getting really upset and angry. I really want them to rot in some deep hole.

The anger and hatred should have been gratifying. Ironically, it makes me feel downright worthless. It hurts me to hate these hypocrites. Every time I want to curse them to eternal doom (literally), I back off simply because it does not feel right. As to whether I have forgiven them, I have not, not yet. They will be part of garbage which I will carry till I find the courage to let go, forgive and move on.

It's a little vain....'smirk...smirk'

It has been a while since I posted anything...I was busy and lazy all at the same time. So I decided to just write a really small post till tomorrow.
This is a post which is seriously long over-due. I have been seriously pondering whether to post or not. I wrote two articles for The Star, did not want to sound vain but what the helllll...It is quite syok to see your own name as the writer. It was not the headlines but still....I just want to SYOK Sendiri saja !!!!

The best part is probably is that they pay me to do what I really enjoy!!!



That is my second article on what would influence one's career, Money or Passion??
I also had to interview people. 23/7/08




This is my first article on myself which I did not even know was pblished until two weeks later!!
I am really blur...23/6/08

Guilt

I had a friend who always said " Your words are more powerful than your intentions ". I never truly understood what he meant until yesterday. All this happened somewhere last week. A friend and I said something to this person. When he further asked us where we got to know this, we mentioned the name of a friend(he just told about a rumour which was circulating around). This thing got blown up out of proportion and it escalated to a level where the friend is in trouble. The person we told to took it very seriously and complained to another person who has the position to make decision. My friend now has to leave because of us.

When I heard of it, I was really sad and rather depressed. We did not even mean it and we both do not want our friend to leave. The worst part was the fact that he did not even scold us. I really wish he had. Last night, when three of us were chatting about this issue, he called and told me not to worry. He said they will handle this problem. He actually told us to concentrate on our studies and not to worry about him.

I felt so guilty, I still do. He behaved so graciously that made everything worse. Loyalty has always been one of my best traits, but somehow it feel different now. I am overwhelmed with whirlwind of very depressing thoughts. I never thought something like this would ever happen.
Despite everything, deep down I know that I caused this and I do not know how to make it better. I just wish I knew.

Everyone constantly say that atleast I have learned my lesson but sadly life teaches us lessons the hard way but it never lets us go back and correct it. All this would never change the fact that I have betrayed his trust and might even lose a friend and teacher. He probably would never trust me again, I know I would not if I was in his shoes. Somehow I know that I will carry this guilt for a really long time.