Pain

I have always been the kind of girl who say it as it is. I do not really give it a thought as to how whatever I say would mean to the other person. I am not mean, but I am quick to point out when people cross their line. I voluntarily choose to be direct as opposed to being a hypocrite.

This has made everyone believe that I am very open about my feeling. That is far from the truth. I am one of those who carry my loved ones secrets, weaknesses and pain they inflict inside. I can never find words to express my pain or disappointments. I may pick fight on petty things but when it comes to those serious issue, I coil up in fear. I do not want to lose those I hold close to my heart. It is bad enough that I don't trust easily.

As years went by, I became good at putting on a "I don't care" look. I am good at pretending that I'm okay. It keeps me sane. Again now, those fears are back. They are hurting me, especially those closest to me. How can I ever tell you...to let me go? I want to sleep a good night's sleep without worrying. I want to believe in life's magic; those special moments.