Do I have the courage?

One of Oprah's episodes prompted me to write about forgiveness. It was about people who confronted the killers of their loved ones in order to get some sort of closure, they have lost their father, mother and family members. All of them shared a common thought that they had to forgive in order to move on. I personally envy their strength to be able to face their darkest fear and bring their life back to perspective. In my eyes, they are courageous.

All this made me think about my life. How forgiving am I?

There were many who have said hurtful things about me and my family. Some have gone a step further to act in very hurtful manner. Have I forgiven them? I might have but I have not forgotten their evil deeds. Will I hurt them back if I am given an option? I probably will and I am not even going to try pretending to be a saint. I sometimes recall these bad memories and end up getting really upset and angry. I really want them to rot in some deep hole.

The anger and hatred should have been gratifying. Ironically, it makes me feel downright worthless. It hurts me to hate these hypocrites. Every time I want to curse them to eternal doom (literally), I back off simply because it does not feel right. As to whether I have forgiven them, I have not, not yet. They will be part of garbage which I will carry till I find the courage to let go, forgive and move on.