Guilt

I had a friend who always said " Your words are more powerful than your intentions ". I never truly understood what he meant until yesterday. All this happened somewhere last week. A friend and I said something to this person. When he further asked us where we got to know this, we mentioned the name of a friend(he just told about a rumour which was circulating around). This thing got blown up out of proportion and it escalated to a level where the friend is in trouble. The person we told to took it very seriously and complained to another person who has the position to make decision. My friend now has to leave because of us.

When I heard of it, I was really sad and rather depressed. We did not even mean it and we both do not want our friend to leave. The worst part was the fact that he did not even scold us. I really wish he had. Last night, when three of us were chatting about this issue, he called and told me not to worry. He said they will handle this problem. He actually told us to concentrate on our studies and not to worry about him.

I felt so guilty, I still do. He behaved so graciously that made everything worse. Loyalty has always been one of my best traits, but somehow it feel different now. I am overwhelmed with whirlwind of very depressing thoughts. I never thought something like this would ever happen.
Despite everything, deep down I know that I caused this and I do not know how to make it better. I just wish I knew.

Everyone constantly say that atleast I have learned my lesson but sadly life teaches us lessons the hard way but it never lets us go back and correct it. All this would never change the fact that I have betrayed his trust and might even lose a friend and teacher. He probably would never trust me again, I know I would not if I was in his shoes. Somehow I know that I will carry this guilt for a really long time.

It's Here Again!

I always feel "Extra Malaysian" around this time every year because of the durian season. Durians or the "king of all fruits" as it is gloriously called is absolutely one of a kind. You either like it or hate. There are no in betweens....lucky me!! I am one those who can really salivate just looking at the thorny durians (yummm.....yummmm).


I remember those days when my grandparents were living in Raub, Pahang. Along the journey, there will be many gerai's selling various local fruits. Funny how all of them are situated in the middle of nowhere. My dad would just stop the car and make the tauke or the abang open the durian there and then. The whole process of opening the thorny outer skin until the gorgeous yellow/ golden pieces appear builts up a feeling of excitement and a huge appetite. As far as I remember, we all fight to be the first one to get the taste of the durian. That is not as embarrassing as the 'hooo and the haaah' sounds we make savouring the taste; echoed by the stall owner's assurance and persuasion to try more. Somehow we succumb to it rather easily. When the moment comes when there is only one piece left....greed truly shines in all our eyes. Believe it or not...we actually fight for it.


After walloping all the pieces, there is always the one last thing to do, a tradition that grew up with us. We use the opened durian skin which has a hole in it (I can't exactly illustrate it that well) as a cup....we drink out of it. The water by the way also comes from the middle of the jungle thus the hygiene factor has to be bypassed. Since we could not 'balik kampung' nowadays...we just have to be satisfied eating the durian around KL. Buy it and eat at home....method. Seriously, it is not that fun as eating in the wild.


As much as one loves durians, these not the type that should be eaten alone. The whole process requires lots of admiring eyes and seduced minds. Try opening a whole durian on your own and eat it all alone...It feels it is rather lonely. The one man show just does not work for durians. Eating a durian truly require a celebration with complete strangers in the middle of nowhere!!! I guess that what makes durians so Malaysian.





The huge pile of spikes....!!




Can you see the sneak peek of yellow-ness....I just cannot wait to get my hands on it (yummmm...)




It took him minutes to open that durian...




My brother...in a serious effort of being all stud-like




That's my sis...keeping to our tradition!!!




You would think she is in heaven...mind you she is not posing! That is exactly how she eats durians...




The Finale!!!!



P/S : I remember watching a show where the guy goes around the world eating all the freak
food like worms, toads and many more totally disgusting stuffs. When he finally came
to Malaysia, he said that the durianis the worst of the lot due to the 'terrible odour'. Can
believe it?? That poor soul thinks monkey brain is better than durians!!